Today I want to talk about something that isn't a mistake in English, but something which I feel is a mistake in Italian. Yes, that's right, after seven years in Italy I now feel called to teach Italians how to speak their own language. However, bear with me, this is not about mislaid congiuntivos or complemento oggettos tragically misapplied; there is a connection with English.
So what am I talking about? The Italian habit of using plural articles for singular band names. I will give you an example: Italians talk about "i Pink Floyd" (or "i Pin Floi" if you're Venetian), "i Led Zeppelin", "gli Oasis" and, as in the title of this post, "i Blur". Italians, Led Zeppelin wasn't a group composed of four Zeppelins made out of misspelled lead, it's a name for the band as a whole. In fact, the name "Led Zeppelin" was born as a variation on the expression of something going down "like a lead balloon", i.e. something having no success at all. But it's a play on words, a concept, not a group of items. Similarly, there are or were no four Oasis (Oasises?), four Blurs or four Floyds, and if you ask which one is Pink you make yourself ridiculous. These band names are just fancy titles to refer to the groups as a collective. So you don't need to, in fact, you shouldn't, refer to them in the plural.
Of course there are bands which do feel they are groups of Monkeys, Beatles, Animals or Kinks. You can usually tell if you have a plural band name if the name of the band ends in -s, unless you have an irregular plural such as in "the Village People", but don't let those fool you. For these kinds of band names you can use your "i" and "gli" without any problem.
Now, I realise that, unlike my other blog entries, I am not strictly talking about an error here. Italian convention has it that all bands which consist of more than one person shall be referred to in the plural and in Italian this is not considered a mistake. It's just that for an English speaker it grates against one's sense of grammar. It's like getting aluminium foil on your fillings. So, yes, in this case I would like to suggest a small change in the Italian language, just for the sake of logic.
P.s. There is also a trend for bands to use a plural noun and no article in English, such as the band "Foals". This annoys me also in English, and that's probably because I'm too old.
Wednesday, 12 October 2016
Thursday, 3 March 2016
The fantasy apostrophe
This blog is about common errors Italians make when speaking English, so let's assume you are Italian and live in Italy. For the sake of today's topic, let's also assume you have a business and you want a name for it that's trendy and modern. What could be more trendy and modern than a bit of English, right? But how can we make this name sound English? Ah, I know, these English speakers, they use apostrophes, don't they? That's right, I remember something from school about a certain "genitivo sassone" or something like that. So if I put an apostrophe in the name, this name will automatically be cool, trendy, modern, and, most of all, English. It's like magic!
The above is what I
must assume to be the reasoning behind the liberal sprinkling of
randomly placed apostrophes on signs and shop fronts. Unfortunately,
adding a random apostrophe doesn't miraculously turn a name or phrase
into English. For example, the "Dog's Shop" sign in my
neighbourhood would tell an English speaker that the owner of the
shop is, in fact, a dog. Perhaps that really is the case, in which
case I would like to compliment this very smart animal on its
excellent English grammar skills, but somehow how I doubt it. Even
more baffling is an establishment called "Hair's Sandy".
Is Sandy owned by a hair? Or is this apostrophe "s"
actually a contraction of "is"? Perhaps Sandy is so devoted
to her hairdressing business that she feels she has become the hair?
Or perhaps she meant "Sandy's hair" and got the order
wrong? It's a mystery.
It's not my intention here to
make fun of people's language skills. Every language learner makes
mistakes and that's fine; that's how you learn. However, I
would advise against naming your business using a language you don't
have a solid grip on. If you are Italian perhaps
you should consider naming your shop in Italian, widely considered to
be a beautiful language. Many businesses abroad adopt Italian names
to be considered tasteful and stylish, so you could do much worse. If
you insist on having an English name, then perhaps give a free
haircut to an English teacher to make sure you get the grammar right.
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